Taking My Body Back

On May 22, 2017, my dissertation committee and the Rackham Graduate School signed off on my final dissertation and I finished my PhD. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On May 23, 2017, I started taking my body back.


At WWE Live, celebrating finishing my PhD.

In my five years living in Michigan and doing my PhD. work there, I gained 50 pounds. Let me assure you, my weight gain in no way diminishes the accomplishment of finishing my doctorate. I was fully aware that I was putting my mind and body through serious high-level stress and simultaneously neglecting my health and wellness. A one-track-mind approach was the only way I was going to finish the thing. It took me the same kind and amount of discipline and motivation to get up and write my dissertation everyday as it takes me to get up and workout everyday, and I had made the decision that the dissertation and finishing the PhD. had to be the priority at that time.

So, as soon as the PhD. was done, I set out shifting my priorities and taking care of my health and wellness again. The progress was slow at first. I started out at a crossfit/high intensity interval training gym, but only made it to about three classes before realizing this was a thing I was going to have to work my way back up to. I was sort of doing the workouts and keeping up, but I was so sore and the recovery was so slow that I knew I wouldn’t be able to stick with it.

So, I did a few days of at home yoga podcasts to help recover and then started Insanity. BUT: I was only doing the Insanity warm ups lol. Which is about nine minutes of light cardio and another six or so minutes of stretching. I knew this wouldn’t give me the results I wanted, but I also knew (from past failed attempts) that I wouldn’t stick with the 45-60 minutes, five days a week routine that Insanity sets out. So, I ordered T-25 (an Insanity-like workout with the amazing Shaun T, but only 25 minutes of workout + 3 minutes of stretching) and kept doing the daily Insanity warmups until it arrived.

On June 22 (so, one month into my taking my body back journey), I started T-25. T-25 has a five week alpha cycle and five week beta cycle; I started with alpha and today I finished the full five week cycle!! Woohoo!! So, due to summer travel, moving across the country to Denver, and how out of shape I was when I started, the five week cycle actually took me about 7 or 8 weeks to complete. But, I did it!! And, along with eating mostly paleo, I lost 20 pounds this summer. Yay!



So, while I was working out, I was also adjusting my diet. I had eaten paleo for about two years while I was doing my Master’s degree and had done week long or two week long stints of it sporadically throughout my five years in Michigan. I knew I liked eating paleo because I didn’t have to count or measure anything. I could just eat as much as I wanted of foods that are good for me. And it meant I got to bring back some of my old favorite recipes and experiment with new recipes for cooking and baking. Paleo baking is super fun and I try to make something about once a week that can stand in as a dessert or breakfast food. So, I’ll make berry or peach or apple cobbler or any number of paleo quick breads like lemon poppy seed, zucchini, pumpkin, or banana bread (made with flour substitutes like almond or coconut flours and sugar substitutes like honey, maple syrup, and vanilla extract).

When I first started out eating paleo again, I eased into it. I committed to ten days of no bread, no beer, no lattes. This helped me to detox and to start supplementing my regular, terrible diet with some paleo staples like bacon and eggs, salmon, berries, and nuts. Some things came easy, for example cutting my latte intake down to one or two a week instead of five or seven a week. Some things did not come easy, like still wanting to drink beers and order nachos at happy hour with friends.

In the last couple months, I would say that I’ve been eating about 75% paleo. I mostly eat paleo in the house with a few exceptions like tortilla chips, hummus, and Breyer’s vanilla ice cream that I still keep around the house and eat less than daily. Then, whenever we go out to eat (which is about two or three meals a week) I let myself splurge and order whatever I want. Sometimes when we go out I order a kale salad and an iced tea bc it looks good and sounds delicious to me at the time, and sometimes when we go out I’ll get enchiladas or empanadas or a couple beers.


Last meal before moving from Michigan to Colorado

My plan going forward is to complete the second five week cycle of T-25 and to keep eating mostly paleo. I’ve already lost 20 pounds, and I’d like to lose another twenty. Full disclosure on weight stuff: at my fittest, about five years ago, I maintained 135 pounds. While living in Michigan, my highest and most scary weight was 185, which is a lot for my 5’6′ frame; when I went to the doctor for a general checkup in March of 2017 (before my excellent grad student health insurance was set to run out on me), she was CONCERNED about my BMI, and her concern helped me to set a game plan and get motivated for losing the weight this summer.

Now I’ve lost about 20 pounds and am sitting around 165. I’d like to lose another 20 in the next few months so that I’m back under 150 and hovering around 145. I probably won’t get back to 135 unless I start intense hour long workouts several days a week and lifting weights again. I love lifting; it’s so empowering and one of the best ways to get in shape, and I’ll probably get back to it someday down the road. But for now, I’m sticking to what has been working for me: at home workout dvds with mostly cardio and body weight exercises.

Some take aways from my experiences that might be helpful to others:

  • Find a workout/diet plan that works for you and stick with it. I went through a couple failed workout plans (Crossfit, Insanity) beforeI landed on one (T-25) that would work for me now with my current level of fitness.
  • Stick with your routine but be flexible and generous with yourself. For a few weeks I would workout first thing in the morning. Then when that routine got to be boring or too much for me, I started letting myself workout at night, and I stuck with that for a few weeks. Sometimes, I’d miss a day or two due to fatigue or travel. This will happen. Life doesn’t care that you’re trying to lose weight. Just pick up again where you left off and don’t be too hard on yourself.
  • I documented my diet and exercise on Instagram and got lots of helpful words of encouragement and great tips and feedback from friends and strangers. I mostly just posted sweaty selfies and healthy food grams. But having a way to communicate with others about my progress was really helpful and motivating.
  • I brought my workout DVDs and my laptop with me and worked out while traveling on vacation with my family for a week in North Carolina, in California for ten days for a wedding, while visiting family and friends or seeing music around

    Working out in California

    the state and country. If you’re going to be gone from home for 2+ days, I’d recommend making a plan for how you will workout in that time.

  • I worked out in my favorite band t-shirts and crazy lipstick when I needed extra motivation. Build something fun like this that connects to your other interests or hobbies into your routine.
  • I spent some money on the stuff I needed: a gym membership to start out, a good pair of workout shoes, a new set of DVDs, a spiralizer for making zucchini noodles. None of these expenses were too absurd, and they all helped me. If you see a tank top you love that you think would help you to feel more confident or zany or strong while working out, then buy it for yourself. You deserve it.

Most of all, you can find ways to do it. And your life is so much more than just your weight, your diet, or your exercise routine.


Hiking with friends at Red Rocks

Feminist Problems.


Love Me Some Annie Sakamoto!!

Being a feminist is hard sometimes.  Particularly, I’ve been troubled lately with instances of  discrimination and distinguishing between whole institutions or single individuals who happen to participate in those institutions.  For example, I love CrossFit and I know the specific crossfit boxes where I’ve worked as places that are welcoming and empowering for their female members and distinguish between skill levels of each member rather than gender distinctions.  Coach Glassman (CF founder) has been outspoken about the important roles women have played in the founding and expansion of CF, but his demeanor is at times chauvinist and flat out offensive.  In addition to this confusion at the official institutional level, ignorant individual CF bloggers and owners and athletes alike joke about how a hot woman receptionist can set you apart from other local CF gyms.  Or they make shirts that say stupid essentializing shit like “real women do burpees” or not even clever and just obnoxious bro-ed out nonsense like “cheat on your girlfriend not your workout” or “WODslut: I give it up for the WOD.” These things trouble me because I’m wondering how we counteract or respond to this kind of ignorance or discrimination depending on the different potential sources (institutions or individuals).  Also, these a-hole individuals could be alienating women and potentially deterring them from trying or joining CF, a community and activity I have known to be incredibly empowering.

My friends are married

Hilarious (possibly exclusionary?) Tumblr

Another important issue I’ve been trying to navigate is woman on woman or girl on girl judgments and prejudices.  I’ve noticed some real tensions between women in a lot of the pop culture-y places and things I frequent.  How can we constructively or conscientiously critique our lives or other women’s lives without betraying or defaming one another and without perpetuating stereotypical depictions of women as hen-pecking, nagging, bitchy, jealous blah blah blah?  I know that I too can be incredibly (at times unfairly) judgmental of other women.  For example, I feel a little bit disappointed that Liz Lemon sells out, gets married, and has a kid at the end of 30Rock.  I also find it hilarious that in one episode Liz Lemon lumps stay-at-home-moms into one of her many tirades against idiocy  (and I kind of agree that that particular life decision sounds horrible to me).  But in reality, I’ve known, respected, and loved several women who have been stay at home moms.  Similarly, I love the Tumblr website myfriendsaremarried (and I’m just 25 and drunk) [the parenthetical tagline is my favorite part], but I recognize that its daily installments probably unfairly discriminate against women who choose to (or simply happen to) marry young. I’ve also recently discovered a burgeoning set of online blogposts and articles that debate the feminist or antifeminist qualities of Taylor Swift’s career (a blog post for another day); this set of posts opens up another important seeming inconsistency in feminist discourses: one woman’s role model is another woman’s perpetuation of patriarchy.

The underlying issue here is that I refuse to endorse a wholly relativist approach; I want to place value judgments, and I want to see and participate in a critical discourse that places meaningful value judgments on different representations of womanhood and on real life women and their lifestyle choices. So how do feminist discourses allow us to place value judgments without attacking one another or without misplacing blame on individuals or institutions?

Paleo-Crossfit FAIL

I sucked at paleo-ing and crossfitting all semester.  For people who don’t know what those things are, they are the diet and exercise things I try to follow (and have recently been failing miserably at).  In this post I will first do lots of whining, complaining, and making excuses. Then, I will address why each of these complaints really is just an excuse, and show why I need to get over myself. By publicly shaming myself here, I am hoping to motivate myself to get it together while I’m home in Maryland for the next few weeks and then hopefully keep up with it all when I get back to school/work/Michigan.

To begin with,

  •   CF is hard, but I worked at it consistently enough to see gains in the past, and I can definitely get back to those times and weights and even do better in the future with even just a low level of consistency (like showing up three times a week).
  • I usually like Crossfit because it is fun and social, but I haven’t found any friends who would want to CF with me in Michigan. Crossfit gyms are full of young professionals, 20-somethings with similar interests as mine (like CF and paleo). Maybe I could set aside my social awkwardness and make some friends there. Or just become friends with other socially awkward, crossfitty people.
  • I miss my boyfriend (who was my first CF coach) and CFing without him just makes me popeyesadder that he’s not around.  Whenever I actually do CF I get to call him and tell him how I’m doing and how the WOD went for me. It’s fun chatting and catching up time. This worked when we lived apart for the last two years, and it should work again now.
  • The CF gym near my house in Michigan is super intense and intimidating with a warmup, lift, and metcon every class. It makes me tired.  I’ve always worked out at excellent CF gyms and have always been surrounded by more experienced, better athletes than myself. This has always intimidated me, but I can show up anyway and measure myself only against my own abilities. Maybe I could even be excited to have such excellent examples of commitment and consistency surrounding me for each WOD.
  • I have too much going on with school and teaching, and I’m tired by the end of the day.  I worked out consistently all last year while getting my MA and teaching. Oh yeah, and they have these magical things called morning workouts that you can get up and do before the rest of life has tired you ropeclimbout that day, dummy.

Paleo is also not easy, though I tend to do better keeping up with eating paleo than with showing up to the gym.

  • Eating paleo requires making meals ahead of time and lots of planning and prep time. When eating paleo in the past, this “extra time spent prepping” nonsense never bothered me before because I love to cook and I love to feel like I’m at my best health and wellness wise.
  • Eating paleo is expensive(ish). Buying high quality foods is no more expensive than paying for an unlimited CF membership and only showing up less than once a week, like I’ve been doing for the last three months. Also, it’s no more expensive than packaged, processed foods that suck the life right out of you and make CF wods nearly impossible to complete.  Buying and preparing Paleo foods is no more bella cfexpensive than going to a cafe for a breakfast sandwich several times a week, in fact Paleo is probably cheaper.
  • I really like pumpkin bread, and I make it at home, so really, how bad could it be? I really like lots of PALEO foods that I make at home, and pumpkin bread is really a seasonal treat, not a make a loaf every weekend and finish it by Wednesday on your own treat.
  • ICE CREAM! This point stands. Even if I do CF and paleo regularly, there will always be a carton of Breyer’s vanilla/chocolate ice cream in my freezer. Because life without ice cream is not a life worth living, and Breyer’s ice cream has the least amount of terrible crap in it, and it’s delicious. Especially with coffee grounds sprinkled on top. On a related note, I know that I drink entirely too much caffeine and this messes with my sleep schedule, but eliminating coffee and tea from my daily routine is just not an option until I’ve finished with grad school.

So, this is my health and fitness manifesto to myself.  I know that I’m generally a happier, nicer, more relaxed person when I do all these things that I’m currently bitching about and avoiding. So, why am I avoiding them?